Eventually we have to realize that it isn't us. We all need to process and accept and so fully believe that no matter how great a guy was and how perfect a relationship may have been... if he can't see the amazing that we are and have that be worth fighting for no matter what... then it's not us that aren't enough; it's him.
And eventually those places that you can't go to again or the places that make you cry as you walk by them... eventually those places will harbor memories that sometimes make you smile. Sometimes. But those times will come and when they do, you'll remember the good. You'll remember why it was worth it to you in the first place; why it meant anything at all. And then sometimes you remember the pain and try to convince yourself all over again that you're better off and that it's his loss. And it really is his loss. And you may feel like you will never find another love like that... but if that's true for you and for the great women out there, it's ten times more true for him. Truth: we're the catch. I think you have to believe that about yourself. Otherwise, what's the point?
Eventually there will be days when you don't think about him at all. The worst part about those days is you can't celebrate not thinking about him without thinking about him and then you're back to square one. I think the vital thing is when you stop wanting to celebrate forgetting to think of him for a day, a week... that's when you're actually moving on.
The trick to this whole thing is somehow convincing yourself that you are enough. That you are amazing and worthy of love and that it's not your fault that some guy who seemed SOOO amazing at the time couldn't see that or didn't want to fight for that or gave up on that. Trying to tell yourself that while drowning in your own self-doubt and swimming through emotional baggage is hell. Sometimes people will tell you that all you need to do is meet someone who will make you feel worthy and loved for exactly who you are.
And of course you'll be hesitant because that's what happened last time. But this person could be anyone; it doesn't have to be your next great love. Regardless, they're still gonna be hard to believe.
Personally, I've been searching for that person for as long as I can remember. The one person who gets me and who has my back NO. MATTER. WHAT. No questions. Obviously this takes a while to build up to; that trust; that faith; that concrete love.
So I decided to be that person for myself.
I figured I might as well work on the one relationship I can actually control. And I learned to like myself and even love certain parts of me. And as alienating and potentially unhealthy as it is, I'm learning to live for me. And it feels incredible at times and unbelievably lonely at times. But at the end of the day, I know I'm always going to be here and I know that I, if no one else, will love me exactly the way I am (not to mention get all my jokes and accept my shortcomings).
This has gotten far more complex and obscure than I intended. But I think the point remains simple:
Love yourself.
Forgive yourself.
Take a step back and look at the situation- realize that it's not all your fault.
If there's no one else in the world; work on you.
Once you love you, it will be sooo much easier for other people to love you.
And if you're going through hell, keep going, keep fighting.
It does get easier.
Feel worth it.
Believe that you are worth it.
Because you are. No matter how many people try to make you think or make you feel differently. You HAVE to believe in yourself enough to know that you will make it through this and you will find someone to whom you won't be just enough... you'll be far more than enough.
You'll be everything.
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