This year. What a year. Talk about a freaking rollercoaster.
It started out immediately with a lovely incident.... but mostly the beginning was me trying to recover and come back to the reality of mixing real life back here in SD with the fact that England happened, was real, and was over. School and basketball were things I just did because that's what I was doing to keep going. I enjoyed classes and hanging with friends and bonding with new roommates, but things were rough... life was suckville for the first bit... though my 21st birthday was quite a weekend :)... And winter quarter came and went and I was finally hitting my rhythm again. And while Feb and March were a little leftover England comin out... what came next, while completely challenging and life-changing and a HUGE dictation of the rest of my year.... it was what made the rest of it worth it.
I was lucky enough to be brave enough to let my life change. I was an emotional wreck and I was scared shitless most of the time... but what I can say..... is that I learned. I learned about me, and about life and about reality, about other people, about new things, and a little about love... Those 4 months, I was pushed and challenged and from May to about August I am convinced that life was taking incredible pleasure in crapping on my face... just about anything that could have been thrown at me, was thrown at me... and while I didn't handle it all with the grace and elegance ... or intelligence and balanced head that I would have ideally liked to, I got through it thanks to the undying patience and understanding of a few people, one in particular.
I had the craziest, most emotionally mad run there for a while, but for all the.... are you freaking serious, universe?!?!?! moments, I had a million more ... incredibly beautiful moments full of love and kindness and things I never dreamed would actually happen to me.
I made it. And I learned. And I learned to make choices. I learned a lot about me and how completely unprepared for any type of real life I was.... am.
The last six months, I learned the truth about some quotes that I thought were cliches... and that sometimes, cliches are just that for good reason.
"You don't know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have" was a big one... and "Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength."
I went through hell. I was hurt by the one person I truly let myself love... but I kept my faith and I made that choice everyday. And I have no regrets because I did it. I made it. And I have 5 more days to wait until I get the chance I was wishing for for the last 6 months....
They sucked, but I learned even more about who I am and who I want to be.....
And though I spent this New Year's Eve alone, I got to spend it talking to the person I would have liked to have been with.... and for me, that's about as good as it gets.
I never thought New Year's Eve or Day was a real reason to have a holiday... the school year was always a bigger starting over point for me.... but since there is no school this year for me, I guess this is as fresh starty as its gonna get...
but its a journey, you don't get to just start over... and I think that's good, because as hard as last year was, it was also magical and I really don't want that to be discarded as just another year. That being said, I'm really really freaking glad January is finally here.
