Today was hard.

Today was hard.

Last night I was strong when you told me things I didn't necessarily want to hear. But this morning, I was messy. And I cried. And I freaked out and wrote an epic...

and all day I waited and wondered if it was too much and if I was too much and if you would read it...

Today was hard.

We went to Sammy's... where we had our first real date. When you sat on the same side of the table as me and paid for my dinner.... and let me go in the book store! And then we went to fro-yo, ate in your car and then came home and watched Blades of Glory.
You asked me as we drove by once if I remembered that that was where we had our first date-- I remember it all. And I remembered it all, all over again today, but this time, without you... this time I couldn't smile at you and then thank you with a kiss.

Today was hard.

And I went to Vons and I saw the sunset in that parking lot again and I saw the spot we always parked in, where we had epic conversations and I saw the tiny apples from when we compared apples to apples and I took that picture on my phone ...and God did I miss you.

Today was hard.

Today I realized that as much as I'm asking you to trust me and take a chance on me and talk to me.... I have to let you breathe. I have to trust you. I have to take the chance and have the faith that you know how much I love you, even though words will never be able to do that even a tiny shred of justice. And I have to have faith in fate and believe that you will calm yourself down, you will take care of yourself and you will know that I am here for you 100% when you're ready.

Today I realized I can't make you ready. And I can't suffocate you until you are.

I have to trust that you are the man I think you are and that you'll come to me and you'll want to come to me when you want to and when you need to.

I have to believe that you will figure things out on your own and that you'll be okay. And soon.

Today was hard.

But I have to believe that tomorrow, even though it's Monday, will be better.