It's Time to Try Something New

I've been thinking about this for a while and I think that I know myself very little, but at the same time, well enough to know that writing things out helps me get through them. Especially now since I can't drink for a while and that was my life plan for August... it seems writing is going to have to help more than it used to or has in quite a while.

Here's the plan.

Write it out.

Everyday, as best I can.

No edits.

No wondering if I should or shouldn't feel one way or another.

No being concerned if it makes me sound crazy or desperate.

Or if I'm wrong.

Doesn't matter.

This is going to be messy, it's going to be random, probably really dark at some times, sometimes stupid, sometimes mushy as all hell- but that's life.

That's real.

And that's what I'm trying to find again.

I know that some days I'm going to cry. Some days I'm going to cry because I'm not crying and think I should be. Some days I'll be crying and smiling at the same time and some days I might not even be able to see straight through the pain or darkness.

So be warned.

This is not for anyone but me and the attempt at my sanity, though I am in no way discouraging reading further... I'm just saying-

No more being careful.

If words are my wand, then why not use the power I've been given.

No more editing.

Real and messy. And probably disturbed.

Here goes the journey of what I think it is I might be feeling.

Ready?

1,2,3 Go!