Sometimes.

New motto for life- you just need to be a shitshow sometimes. Let it out and let yourself break down. Be embarrassing. Be crazy. Be unreasonable. Sometimes you just need to scream or cry or drink until you yak... until you can throw up the unsettling feelings inside you.

I was a baby last night. A whiny, annoying baby, incapable of making good choices or possibly even getting myself home. I just wanted to go home; I just wanted someone to take care of me; I just wanted to cry and I don't even know why. I could blame it on the estrogen... and I will, but there's something to be said for the fact that I became that person at all. Once I hit that point, I just snapped. And I was done. Literally couldn't hold myself up or together anymore.

As the memories start slowly filling themselves in, I seriously wonder how anyone could have dealt with me. I would have killed me.

I am so thankful I had my shitshow breakdown, fool of myself night around someone who looked after me. No excuses and no regrets. Embarrassment for sure and a definite debt to be repaid, but sometimes you just need one of those nights... and sometimes you don't even know it until it happens...