The Night Before Life Goes On...

It's tonight... which is, as always, the night before tomorrow... but tonight is the last night before things start to change...

Obviously this is not the night before I leave or the night before anything truly significant... but it is my last night in San Francisco, my last night seeing my sister and Steve and Vina until Christmas, the night before I get a tattoo, and the last night until things really start rolling on England.

Tomorrow I am choosing to get a tattoo, a permanent mark and a permanent reminder to live my life the way I want to live it. It's going to be there, forever and always, in moments of courage and bold moves as well as in moments of fear and uncertainty. It will make me think, every time I see it, to live with purpose, to live in spite of things that are scary or uncertain or bad at the time... to actually LIVE.

It's time.

This is the first step.

And after this, I have two weeks. Two more weeks to pack and prepare myself for the change I am begging for; to create the change I need. Two weeks to live the life I have lived thus far... and two weeks to think about, accept, and celebrate the fact that things will never be the same.

In the next 3 months, we will all change, but this time it will be different. This time, we will be in completely different atmospheres, completely different worlds. I know how much people can change between going away to school and Christmas, believe me I do... it's just this time, we may end up very different after these three months.

This is when we grow apart. This is when my life experiences and life outlook becomes bigger than yours. This is when I'll see the world and you'll see a more intense version of what you already know.
Can we come back from that? Will we both want to?

I will not totally become a different person, I know that, but there will be a difference, Lord please let there be a difference. And let that difference open my eyes and my heart and enhance my friendships rather than hinder them.

Tomorrow it starts. Tomorrow my decisions finally change my life. Tomorrow my life will actually be my own and finally in my own hands... and completely crazy and out of control.
Tomorrow I will not be afraid of the choices I make and the changes that are coming. I will not regret my actions and choices in life because I will know, without doubt, that at one point in my life, it was exactly what I wanted. There is no shame or fear in that. Tomorrow, I become fearless.

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