Note that this is a work in progress since I'm only 21 and clearly don't know any of the secrets because if I did, I most likely wouldn't find myself in this situation...
1. Pick your battles.
There are going to be points and situations in life where you emotionally check out; it's inevitable. Decide what's worth checking back in for. Love. Friendship. Family. Everyone has their breaking point and everyone has that one thing worth fighting for... make sure you know what yours is... or find out quick because fighting for things that don't matter will exhaust you and not fighting for things that do, might actually kill you... so pick your battles and fight hard.... fight to the death.
2. Everyone will disappoint you at some point.
The people you love, the people you trust, yourself... eventually they will all disappoint you. And when those people who just get you; those ones who know you better than you know yourself hurt you... it feels like they're ripping your heart your apart, piece by piece, with their bare hands... even when you know it's coming. The trick, I guess, is to know it's coming and to trust yourself enough to know that you picked good people to be in your life and for every time they hurt or disappoint you, there will be twice as many (or hopefully more) times that they make your day or blow your mind. You have to know it's coming and in those moments after it happens, you have to remember these words and this knowledge and know that it will pass and that even when you disappoint yourself.... it will pass. Things will look up and eventually your life will be the life it was meant to be whether you want it to or not...
3. Be careful what you hide behind.
Defense mechanisms. Everyone has them, everyone sees them in other people.... all I'm saying is be careful what you choose to hide behind. There are a lot of different ways to go about this; ways to protect your heart. You can emotionally shut down; become a robot... and every time you do it, it will be easier and easier to never connect again... you can pretend that you don't believe in or want love ever again. You can get super busy and throw yourself whole-heartedly into anything but your loneliness and insecurities. You can put up walls, you can build moats, you can become a recluse and avoid situations all together... all I'm saying is that one day, your defenses will either fall and you'll have to deal with the rubble, or they'll stay strong forever and you'll have to deal with the agony and loneliness of knowing that you and you alone prevented yourself from ever letting anyone in and ever having the chance at experiencing that feeling people call love...
4. Get numb.
It's self defense too. And it's safer that way. A certain level numbness is essential to survive in high school... at work... in life. Seriously. Taking everything to heart will only lead to destruction. While it's true that a lot of people will have serious issues with this and while they have valid points, honestly, being numb at some point is the only way you get through. Imagine if you felt EVERYTHING. You hear about superpowers where they can't feel anything... imagine if you could feel EVERYTHING.... everything you think might hurt but doesn't every word that might be taken as offensive demolishes you... At some point, shutting off is the best thing you can do for yourself........... which leads me back to the point of #1 .... pick what things you allow yourself to feel and be numb to... this is tricky and seriously messes a ton of people up if not used appropriately and in moderation, myself included... which leads to #3.... be careful what you hide behind..... if you choose to be numb and you reject feeling anything for a long enough time, you might never feel anything fully again.... and that actually might be worse and far more frightening than whatever you're so scared of that made you want to go numb in the first place.
5. When you know, you know.
The best and only advice my mother ever gave me on relationships.
But I think it goes much deeper than that.... when you know you know... basically that means you should learn to trust yourself and trust your intuition. If you're feeling something... FEEL it. Feel it fully and respect yourself enough to know that you're feeling it for a reason. Regardless of if it's right or wrong or just in the moment, the fact that you're feeling it and recognizing it and can admit it, especially to yourself, matters. It matters. And at the end of the day, you have to trust yourself enough to know that feeling something means something... at least something worth exploring.
to be continued......
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